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Thriller Thursday: Margie Lawson – Visceral RULES!

Welcome to part two of Thriller Extravaganza. I’m so excited to have craft guru Margie Lawson guest posting today. Several months ago, I was lucky enough to win one of her lecture packets from Jenny Hansen’s blog, and it made a huge impact on my writing. I LOVE that she chose to talk about visceral emotions, because understanding this tricky concept took my writing to the next level.

A big THANK YOU to Stacy Green for inviting me to be her guest today!

Visceral Rules!

By Margie Lawson

Let’s talk visceral!

First, I’ll SHOW, then I’ll TELL, then I’ll SHOW and TELL.


Romily Bernard, 2012 Golden Heart Winner, and multi-Margie-grad

Find Me,  Romily’s debut Young Adult novel will be published Sept. 2013

  1. Then I hear the car door slam and my heart rides up my throat with spurs.
  2. “We have a visitor.” Weird how my voice sounds flat and confident when my insides are churning and liquid.
  3. I rub my thumb over the frayed binding, irritation pinching all my insides like I’ve got mosquitoes eating their way out.
  4. There’s a flickering under my scalp, a tingling across the back of my neck. My annoying mosquitoes have grown into spiders. They’re crawling all over my skin.


A visceral response is a physical manifestation of emotion.

If you’ve taken some of my online courses, or heard me present a full day master class, you know a key to writing a page-turner is visceral emotion.

You know a scene carries psychological power when you use several scene components, including visceral responses.

You know when emotions in a scene are high, POV characters need to get out of their heads to get in to reader’s hearts.

Visceral responses include, but are not limited to:

  • stomach clenching
  • heart pounding
  • rapid and shallow breathing
  • pulse racing
  • adrenaline surging
  • legs weakening
  • throat tightening
  • mouth drying
  • face flushing
  • nausea imminent
  • chest tightening
  • equilibrium failing
  • hear blood rushing
  • vision narrowing

Visceral responses are involuntary.

You can’t keep your face from flushing. You can’t keep your mouth from going dry. You can’t keep your chest from tightening, your heart from pounding, your vision from narrowing.

If visceral responses are clichéd, the scene loses power.

If there are too many visceral responses, the scene loses power.

If variations on the same visceral response are overused, the scene loses power.

Time Out for a Teaching Point on Rhetorical Devices!

The paragraph starting with—You can’t keep—Is an example of anaphora.

The next three lines below that paragraph, the ones ending with—the scene loses power—that’s an example of epistrophe.

Now – back to visceral responses.  😉

When a POV character experiences a strong emotional stimulus, they will have a visceral response. And that visceral response presents immediately.

Visceral responses are experienced first. Always.

When there’s a strong emotional stimulus, people don’t act first.

People don’t think first.

People don’t speak first.

People experience a visceral response first. It’s immediate.

If your characters experience a visceral response first, your scene will be more credible.

We want readers hooked, glued, secured, emotionally immersed in our stories. We want readers viscerally engaged.


Melanie Milburne, USA Today Bestselling Author, and multi-Margie-grad

Deserving of His Diamonds? 

  1. Gisele’s heart tripped in her chest like a pony’s hoof in a pothole.

Analysis: Fresh writing, Simile, Alliteration, Compelling cadence

  1. Gisele felt a butterfly wing-like flutter pass over the floor of her belly.

Analysis: Fresh writing. Specificity. A subtle play on the cliché, butterflies in stomach, but it’s fresh and light and connotes something positive. Compelling cadence.

  1. Her legs felt like dampened paper, barely strong enough to hold her upright. Her spine was loosening, vertebra by vertebra, until she felt sure she would melt into a pool at his feet. Where was her resolve? Where was her anger? They were like cowardly soldiers retreating from the frontline of battle.

Analysis: Fresh writing, twice! Simile. Specificity. Several points amplified multiple times. Two rhetorical questions. Amplified simile backloaded with power word: battle. Compelling cadence.

Barbara O’Neal, Seven-time RITA Winner, Inducted into the RWA Hall of Fame

The Garden of Happy Endings

  1. Elsa paused on the threshold, feeling a dense, dark energy swelling from somewhere, through her. Dizzy, she closed her eyes and put a hand on the door to steady herself.

Analysis: Fresh writing. Amplified feeling. Alliteration, twice. Body language. Recovery. Compelling cadence.

  1. Tamsin sat through the sermon with a brick in her belly.

Analysis: Fresh writing. Fun metaphor. Alliteration, twice. Compelling cadence.

  1. Her lungs pinched hard enough that she had to cough, like an old lady, to get air.

Analysis: Fresh writing. Visceral response used as a stimulus. Amplified with simile. Backloaded with power words: to get air. Compelling cadence.

  1. A sense of anticipation skittered over the top of her skin, brushing the back of her neck, her elbows, her belly.

Analysis: Fresh writing. Alliteration. Specificity. Anaphora. Asyndeton. Compelling cadence.

Darynda Jones, 2012 RITA Winner, and multi-Margie-grad

Third Grave on the Left

  1. A rush of delight rippled down my spine and pooled in my abdomen. My pulse accelerated by a hairsbreadth, just enough to cause a tingling flutter in my stomach

Analysis: Fresh writing. Visceral responses, amplified multiple times. Specificity. Visceral response used as a stimulus for another visceral response (pulse accelerating triggered tingling flutter in stomach). Compelling cadence.

  1. A vise locked around my chest and was inching closed. My periphery darkened. I could barely breathe, and I needed out of there.

Analysis: Three basic visceral responses. First visceral response intensified. Two others in separate sentences. Shared need to leave, implying things would get worse if she didn’t leave. Compelling cadence.

The last examples I’ll analyze are the four by Romily Bernard that you read in the opening of the blog.

Romily Bernard, 2012 Golden Heart Winner, and multi-Margie-grad

Find Me,   Romily’s debut Young Adult novel will be published Sept. 2013

  1. Then I hear the car door slam and my heart rides up my throat with spurs.

Analysis: Fresh writing. Shared stimulus and response. Amplified visceral response twice. Backloaded with power word: spurs. Compelling cadence.

  1. “We have a visitor.” Weird how my voice sounds flat and confident when my insides are churning and liquid.

Analysis: Fresh writing.  Complex dialogue cue.  Complex visceral response. Parallelism.  Compelling cadence.

  1. I rub my thumb over the frayed binding, irritation pinching all my insides like I’ve got mosquitoes eating their way out.

Analysis: Fresh writing. Shares stimulus (the book) and amplified visceral response.  Implies creepy/scary feelings, without saying she was creeped out or scared. Backloaded with power. Compelling cadence.

  1. There’s a flickering under my scalp, a tingling across the back of my neck. My annoying mosquitoes have grown into spiders. They’re crawling all over my skin.

Analysis: Fresh writing. Picks up visceral thread from half-page above. Visceral amplified multiple times. Mosquitoes to spiders, implies danger intensified. Compelling cadence.

Excellent examples from all the authors!

This blog shared some ideas for using visceral responses. You got to taste a few dishes from my visceral response smorgasbord.

Lots more to learn about writing visceral responses.  I dig deep into visceral responses in these two online courses:

  1. Empowering Characters’ Emotions
  2. The EDITS System: Turning Troubled Scenes in to Winners!

The next time I teach Empowering Characters’ Emotions is February.  But the Lecture Packet can be ordered any time through my web site.

I teach The EDITS System course Sept. 24 – Oct. 19.

Please check out my online courses and presentation schedule. I’m presenting in Denver, Houston, Seattle, and Washington D.C. this fall. I hope to meet some of you in one of those cities this fall – or somewhere next year. Atlanta?


POST A COMMENT AND YOU MAY WIN a Lecture Packet  or one of my online courses from Lawson Writer’s Academy!

I’ll post the name of the LUCKY WINNER  tonight – at 9PM Mountain Time.

Post a comment – or just say “Hi Margie!” – and you could be a WINNER!

 Make sure you leave a comment for a chance at winning an awesome gift from Margie. Don’t forget to enter the THRILLER EXTRAVAGANZA GRAND PRIZE giveaway of either a silver spot in Kristen Lamb’s WANA International Blogging or an Amazon Gift Card and a bag of healthy goodies. 


Lawson Writer’s Academy now has 37 courses and 12 instructors. LWA courses are taught in a cyber classroom from Margie’s website,

Upcoming Courses from Lawson Writer’s Academy:

1.  Aug. 20 – Sept. 28:  Fab 30 in 40 Days: Advanced Deep Editing, A Master Class

     Instructor: Margie Lawson

2.  Sept. 1 – 30: Story Structure Safari

     Instructor: Lisa Miller

3.  Sept. 3 – 28:  Writing Compelling Scenes

     Instructor: Shirley Jump

4.  Sept. 3 – 28:  Steampunk A-Z

      Instructor: Suzi Lazear

5.  Sept. 24 – Oct. 19:  The EDITS System:  Turning Troubled Scenes in to Winners

      Instructor: Margie Lawson

Margie Lawson —psychotherapist, editor, and international presenter—developed innovative editing systems and deep editing techniques used by writers, from newbies to NYT Bestsellers. She teaches writers how to edit for psychological power, how to hook the reader viscerally, how to create a page-turner.

Thousands of writers have learned Margie’s psychologically-based deep editing material. In the last seven years, she presented over seventy full day Master Classes for writers in the U.S., Canada, Australia, and New Zealand.

Please contact Margie if you think your group might be interested in having her present a master class for them.

For more information on Lawson Writer’s Academy, lecture packets, full day master classes, and the 4-day Immersion Master Class sessions offered in Margie’s Colorado mountain-top home, visit:

149 comments on… “Thriller Thursday: Margie Lawson – Visceral RULES!”

  1. Great tips here. One note – you mention it, but don’t overuse the same visceral description. One novel I read had the main character’s stomach churning so often that *I* began to feel queasy.

    • Margie’s section on visceral emotions in her DEEP Character Edits package is what really clicked with me. She does a great job of breaking down samples. And yes, it’s really easy to latch on to a few and overuse. Thanks!

    • Beverly —

      Excellent point. Worth both of us mentioning it. 🙂

      Overusing the same visceral response, or using variations, will not wow agents or editors. Using just the right amount of fresh writing, including visceral responses, will wow agents and editors.

      Thanks for being the first to post a comment!

  2. Hi, Margie!
    I’m fascinated and stirred by your articles, and rejuvenated by the lecture packets which are currently wreaking major changes in my WIP. Thanks.

    • Faith —
      Fabulous! I bet you are adding shelves in your brain to hold the new editing material. 🙂

      If you’ve taken my BIG THREE online courses, or Lecture Packets, I bet you’d love my Fab 30 class. It’s an Advanced Deep Editing course. The BIG THREE are prerequisites, and I limit the enrollment to 30.

      Fab 30 class members are such strong writers, they could be Olympic finalists in fiction writing.

      The BIG THREE:
      1. Empowering Characters’ Emotions
      2. Deep Editing: The EDITS System, Rhetorical Devices, and More
      3. Writing Body Language and Dialogue Cues Like a Psychologist

      Thank you for sharing your enthusiasm for deep editing!

  3. Wow! Thanks, Stacy, for inviting Margie Lawson to guest blog. Margie, it’s obvious you’re an excellent instructor with wonderful insights. So glad I just discovered you! About the visceral reactions – that is so right on! I’ve been encouraging my writer clients to insert these, first, before anything else. Then maybe a Damn! or What an idiot! or other instant thought reaction (italicized for a direct thought) before the other reactions and words start. Let’s see/feel/hear the character react immediately!
    I’ll definitely be checking out your online courses, Margie. I’m a freelance content and copy editor specializing in suspense-thrillers, who’s always looking to improve her skills, and I know I will from you!

    • Jodie, you’re welcome. So glad you liked the post. As I said, her lectures are great and she does a fantastic job of breaking down what works in popular fiction.

      Good luck, and thanks!

    • Jodie —
      Ah — You’re describing Dwight Swain’s Motivation Reaction Units. 🙂
      I look forward to working with you in a class sometime.
      Thank you for chiming in!

  4. Hey, Margie!
    Apparently my first comment was lost … ? No matter. I’m learning a LOT from your lecture packets and will happily dive into more if I win.
    Cheers, Faith

  5. Janet B

    I am already a fan of Margie. I would love to win one of her lecture packets. She shares great techniques to racket your writing to the next level.

  6. Thanks Stacie, and Margie,
    Counting down to October in Seattle while continuing to soak up all the education I can!

  7. Great post, Margie!! I especially loved Darynda’s examples. Have always learned so much from your workshops. Thanks for all your help!

  8. Kathleen Groger

    I’ve taken numerous courses with Margie. She is amazing and a gracious teacher. I love how her teaching methods ‘speak my language’.

    • Yo Kathleen!

      I’m so glad we got to meet smile-to-smile, and spend time together at National.
      You’re as dynamic in person as you are on the page!

      I’m looking forward to working with you, and your characters, in Fab 30 again. See you in class on August 20th!

  9. Hi, Margie! [waving from STL]
    I love when you SHOW us. The lesson sticks better. As usual, I have to return to my wip and inspect it for VRs.

    • Yes, Margie has a real knack for explaining things so they resonate. She is awesome at breaking down examples. Thanks!

    • Hello Megan!

      I remember meeting you in St. Louis! When I read your name, I see your smile.

      Glad you’ll check your WIP for Visceral Responses! I bet you’ll check to be sure they’re fresh too. 🙂

  10. Stacy, you always bring the best to your blog don’t you? I’ve heard wonderful things about Margie’s lecture packets and courses. I dream of one day participating in the Immersion Master Class – just one of the many goals on my list. 🙂
    Margie thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom!

    • I try, Jennifer! Thriller Extravaganza is very lucky to have so many great writers and teachers. I think Margie’s lectures are essential for a writer in any stage. I learned so much from the one I was lucky enough to win. Good luck!

    • Hello Jennifer!
      I hope attending an Immersion Master Class moves up higher on your list!
      But three lecture packets and/or online courses come first. 🙂
      Thank you for chiming in!

  11. Great reminder about how we feel the visceral response first, before we even know what we think or are going to say. And great examples of how to write it! Thanks, Margie!

  12. My favorite thing about your posts, Margie, is you make me reach for “more.” More emotion. More creativity. More body language. Thanks, friend. I’m all about “MORE.” 🙂

    I need to start on your packets to reach my 2013 goal of an immersion class…

    • p.s. And thank you, Stacy, for having Margie as a guest today. Not only do I appreciate the shout out, I needed to read this for a scene that’s giving me trouble. 🙂

    • Yo Jenny!
      So glad I finally got my rib-crushing hug from you! You’re soooo fun and cool and smart and giving and creative. Miss you!

      I love making you reach for more and more and more!

    • Cynthia —
      Glad you liked this blog. It’s an itty bitty taste of the psychologically-based deep editing that I teach. Check out the PUBBED MARGIE GRAD BLOG on my web site.
      I hope you check out my courses sometime too!

  13. Stacy, thank you so much for having Margie!! I always love reading what she has to say. I need to check out these classes and/or packets!!

  14. vicki batman

    Hi, Margie and Stacy. Margie, you were so great at RWA WF. I love your workshops.

  15. Amazing! Thanks so much Stacy for hosting the guest post.
    I am with Jenny, whenever I read Margie’s post I want MORE and to be better. To dig deeper. To push harder. To challenge myself even more. They are inspiring and motivating and at the same time, so educational because by SHOWING, we totally get it.
    Thanks you two!! Wonderful post.

    • Natalie —
      I love teaching by Showing, Telling, and Showing & Telling.
      I teach writers how to understand concepts, develop analytical skills, make what they learned work for them, fit their voice and style, and apply what they learned to their WIP, in the right place, in the right way.
      That’s a long sentence. But it covers what I wanted to say. 🙂
      Thank you for sharing that you like how I teach!

  16. Great stuff as usual! I credit you, Margie, as being one of the premier instructors in this field, and as one who helped me write to another level–the published level, thanks!

  17. Margie Lawson is fabulous-really makes you think at such a deep level about your writing! This was a great post. I’d LOVE to win one of her packets…

  18. Thanks so much for sharing this shot-in-the arm post. I needed this and will definitely look into the classes offered. Excellent information.

  19. Susan Dunn

    Hi, Margie,
    Loved meeting you at RWA WF mini-con. This is fabulous information. Thanks for sharing, and thanks Stacy for dragginh Margie over here. I’ve ordered your first lecture packet, too. On emotion.

    • Susan —
      I fully enjoyed the RWA WF mini-con!
      Glad you liked this info too.
      Have fun digging deep in the Empowering Characters’ Emotions Lecture Packet!

  20. Hi Margie! It was great to see you in Anaheim and your workshop was fabulous. 🙂 Great tips and writing examples. I love Romily’s work and can’t wait to read her book next year. Thanks for a great blog.

  21. I always love reading your examples, Margie. It gets my brain percolating with all sorts of interesting ideas. Also appreciated the reminder that visceral comes right AFTER the stimulus and that the character has no thought, no words, and no action BEFORE the visceral.

  22. Hi, Margie–I’ll try again to post. First one disappeared. I’m always ready to add to my file of Margie blog posts. I love the examples you find!


  23. Fun examples. I enjoyed the blog post very much. It is so hard to find a fresh way to write those emotions. I find I have to push past first, second and even third idea before I start to find the fresh stuff.

  24. Karen McFarland

    Stacy, what a wonderful idea to host Margie! I crawled here today since you know I’ve been sick all week. But I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to learn from Margie! Thank you for sharing those examples Margie. I hope to one day take one of your classes! Thanks Stacy! 🙂

    • Hello Karen —
      Thanks for crawling all the way to the blog when you’re sick!
      Glad you enjoyed the blog.
      I bet I’ll see you in one of my classes someday. 🙂

    • Thanks so much, Karen. I wanted a craft expert for Thriller Extravaganza and couldn’t think of anyone better. Hope you feel better as well:)

  25. Hi Stacey and hi Margie!
    Thanks for the great post and for using some of my work.
    For anyone worrying or nervous about doing Margie’s courses – just do it. You will be amazed at what you’re capable of once you get going. Writing is a craft and like any other skill you need to keep working at it.
    Thanks again!

    • Hey Melanie!
      I appreciate your talent, your ongoing commitment to honing your writing craft, and your 30+ books. WOW!

      I also appreciate you for championing my courses!

      So fabulous to spend time with you at National. Can’t wait to see you next summer too!

    • Hi there! Thank you for stopping by! And I agree – while her courses can be intimidating, there is SO MUCH to be learned from. And I second Margie’s WOW on your 30+ books. Amazing!

    • Hey J C!

      I remember you! But it’s been a while since you’ve taken one of my courses.
      I bet you’d love Fab 30: Advanced Deep Editing, A Master Class.
      I’d love to deep edit 30 pages of your WIP! Check out Fab 30. 😉

      Thanks for recommending me to your friends!

    • J C —
      I wanted to add — I’m presenting a full day master class for Virginia Romance Writers in February. Maybe I’ll see you then!

  26. I had just finished some rewrites before reading this post. Having attended one of Margie’s workshops previously, I have retained some of what I learned. Imagine how happy I was to see you talk on viseral responses which I had just incorporated into my manuscript!

    • Claudia —
      Kudos to you! Which workshop did you attend?
      I hope to see you in an online course sometime. Nudge. Nudge. 😉

  27. Oh, I just loved, loved, loved reading these examples, Margie! I love how you SHOW us how to write visceral responses instead of TELLING! 🙂 Thank you for another great guest post! And thank you to Stacy for hosting you today! 😀

    • Hello Mel!
      You’ll be at my house for IMMERSION in one week!
      Can’t wait to meet you and work, work, work with you.
      Love your enthusiasm, and your writing. 😉

    • That’s my favorite thing about Margie as well, and that’s why I’ve been able to learn more from her than any other craft expert. You’re welcome, and thanks!


    Margie, it wouldn’t let me post, but great blog. I learn something new every time I read those examples and your deep analysis.

    Can’t wait for FAB30 in a few weeks.

  29. I have taken Margie’s classes and even her immersion class and my writing has really improved! Now, even when writing my first draft, i’m always looking for places for fresh writing, visceral responses, etc. She is awesome!!

  30. Ann —
    Thank you! I love working with you and your characters.
    Fab 30 starts on Aug. 20th! You just experienced time compression in real life. 😉

  31. Tina Canon

    Just wanted to say ‘hi’ Margie. Love your classes! 🙂 –tina

  32. I’m going through edits on one piece right now and shake my head with now many cliched visceral responses I have! Thanks for such a great post on how to show those responses without losing the readers!

    • Hello Kathleen —

      Sounds like you’re new to my deep editing. So glad you dropped by Stacy’s blog today!

      I forgot to mention in the blog — that most of my online courses (and lecture packets) have over 300 pages of lectures. I dig deep and share tips and techniques and systems to strengthen your writing.

      Now you know. 😉

  33. Vickie Marise

    Always love to learn from Margie! I think what helps me most is seeing how she pulls that lesson into examples from fantastic authors. I see it more clearly with different styles.
    Thanks for hosting, Stacy.

    • Hello Vickie —
      Thank you!
      I love using fantastic examples from amazingly talented Margie grads. 🙂
      Thank you for chiming in!

  34. Emily Sewell

    Thanks, Margie! Excellent blog with great examples. Very useful. I’ve been in one of your workshops, and I look forward to taking a class someday.

  35. Thank you Stacy and Margie. Love Margie posts 🙂 I bought my first lecture packet, Empowering Characters’ Emotions, recently and it wont be my last.

  36. Hi, Margie – You should see my copy of Craig Johnson’s THE DARK HORSE. EDITS highlighting All Over the first quarter of the book. =:-D I keep the book and highlighters in my bag for those spare moments when I’m stuck waiting somewhere. Amazing what I’ve learned by just doing EDITS on the book. Plus, I stay in practice with EDITS for when I want to apply it to my own writing. But the best part? I got to show it to him last week at a signing. He was a little wide-eyed when he saw all the ink, but I think he got a kick out of seeing it. Take care, and regards to Tiffany.

    • That’s so awesome you got to show your EDITS highlight to Craig! And wonderful the system has taught you so much. Thanks!

    • Rhonda —
      Wish I could have gone to Craig’s signing with you!
      Kudos to you for EDITS System highlighting his book. Excellent learning opp.
      You must see EDITS System highlighting in your dreams!

  37. Whenever I read a post of yours, Margie, I always feel I’ve learned something! Ah, but applying it …well, that’s my job, I guess…

    Thanks for the knowledge and inspiration!

  38. Excellent tips! I was fortunate enough to take Margie’s workshop at RWA. She’s amazing and dynamic. Thanks for bringing more of her to us, Stacy! Makes me want to go over my MS one more time to Margie-fy it.

    • Julia —
      All those authors had dozens of fabulous examples. It was tough to limit myself to those few. But I’m happy that I’ll get to use some of their other stellar examples when I update my lectures!

  39. Another really inspiring blog, Margie. Thank you for the timely reminder that the visceral response comes FIRST. Thank you to Stacy for hosting Margie.

  40. nayantara swaminathan

    Hi Margie!
    Lovely post. Equally entertaining and enlightening. Wonderful examples.

    • Hello Nayantara —

      Your comment carries power. Love your content, your alliteration, and your cadence. Strong writing!

      Thanks for posting. And thanks for letting me know I met my goals–enlightening and entertaining. 😉


    Thank you for being here today! I enjoyed all your posts!

    Thanks again to Stacy for inviting me to guest blog. I’d love to come back again.

    Now — to share the name of the WINNER!

    I always use to select the winner.

    And ………… the person who wins an online course from me, or one of my lecture packets, is …………………………VICKI BATMAN!

    VICKI — Please email me to coordinate your prize!

    BLOG GUESTS: Please contact me if you have questions about my courses or lecture packets.
    margie @ margielawson . com

    Thank you for your interest in VISCERAL RULES!

  42. Maureen Marty

    Great blog, as always. Been writing writing writing since I last saw you. My writing has improved so much since Immersion. I feel like I’m finally making progress. Hope your summer is going well.

    Lunch sometime?

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  44. Lisa Bowring

    I’m so glad I stumbled onto this blog! I followed a link from The Bookshelf Muse yet I have discovered another amazing teacher. My nerves are tingling with anticipation to peruse Maggie’s Site and purchase some of her packets. I also plan to put her classes on my calendar. I have The Emotional Thesaurus but the visceral responses are what I really need to learn to help ramp up the emotional impact in my writing. I have dug out an old, started but never finished, novel idea and now I know what I was missing – the showing vs. the telling. I can’t wait to delve into Margie’s wealth of information!

    • Thank you – although Margie is the teacher, lol. Yes, her packets and classes are well worth the time and money. Like you, the visceral responses are something I really needed, and her course made a huge difference. So happy the post helped. Thanks!

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