Pretty, isn’t he? No, he’s not a Bengal, although he’s marked similar and has a lot of the same traits, as did his mother. He and his brother, Fat Amos, were rescued as tiny babies by my mom and Grace after the kitten’s mother was killed on the highway. Andy (yep, their names are Amos and Andy) is skittish around other people, but also an extreme lover of attention.

And a total asshole.

This past weekend, Grace was staying at Mom and Dad’s, and Rob and I were going to celebrate Valentine’s Day on Saturday with a fancy dinner at Vino’s Italian Restaurant and some PRIVACY, if you know what I mean. The jerk in the picture above ruined all that. I called Mom Saturday morning to check in, and Andy was missing. They hadn’t seen him since Friday around lunch. The cleaning ladies had been in (makes my parents sound much fancier than they are, trust me) and as usual, Andy ran for the hills. He never comes out while they’re around, and my parents assumed he was hiding. Except nearly twelve hours later, he hadn’t shown up, not even for his four a.m. lovefest with Dad.

Even Fat Amos, his own brother, was dumbfounded.

It was hard to imagine, but the fear was he’d somehow slipped past one of the gals when they had the door open, carrying stuff in and out. Totally unlike him, but where the hell was he?

My parents were both sick and upset, and Mom wanted me to come help look. They’d searched everywhere but outside. Please? So, one romantic weekend out the window and an hour and forty-five minute drive later, I arrived to save the day. I was sure he’d gotten outside in the freezing cold. So I searched. Searched the big machine shed where the combine is. The farm cats (who gladly eat off the porch but won’t let you touch them) watched me like I was nuts. Searched all around the house and down by the old barn, where some more cats hangout. Froze my butt off and got wind burn on my cheeks.

Came inside, scoured the house. The attic, the basement, all the closets and hidey holes. Mom and Dad had already done this, but they were sure he was in the house (I disagreed) and wanted me to look, too.

Four hours later, three trips outside and God knows how many times through the house, I gave up. I was sick to my stomach, as were my parents. Andy was a sweet, spoiled house cat without any front claws. There were outside cats, raccoons, and bobcats nearby. And it was so damned cold. I didn’t want to stop looking. All I could think was that he was outside freezing and I needed to find him.

I walked into the kitchen and looked out the back door at the deck in the futile hope he’d found his way to the house. Then I heard it: a loud, pathetic meow. My heart stopped. I whipped around, hoping like hell it wasn’t Fat Amos, even though he sounds like a kitten when he meows. It wasn’t, and it was close. But it couldn’t be. Behind me were the washer, dryer, and tall deep freeze. I’d checked behind the washer and dryer, and even left a path for him to get out. And there was simply no room for him behind that freezer. AND…we’d all been back there numerous times and called his name, and he didn’t say a damned word.

I called Dad, and of course Grace had her nose at my hip, and I wedged the freezer away from the wall. I peeked behind, and sure enough, a pair of green eyes staring back at me. Andy! I watched at he somehow twisted himself and slid out FROM UNDERNEATH the freezer (I still swear there was no room). I maneuvered the heavy-ass thing some more, and voila! He was free.

He ran for the potty, and we all sighed with relief. I was emotionally exhausted. So were my parents. We can only assume he’d made a run for it either when the cleaning ladies were close or when Grace came stomping in the back door, and got stuck. I could have felt bad for him, except we’d all called him 957 times, and the little shit couldn’t be bothered to answer.

So instead of my romantic Valentine’s weekend, I wound up with wind burn, mental exhaustion, and one grateful kitty. He even honored me with his presence several times throughout the night on Saturday. I suppose I got my lovin’ after all, even if it was in the form of a cold nose and loud, purring motor.

How was your weekend? Do you have any special V-Day plans? At this point, I’m thinking zombies and horror movies sound like a plan!

Due to this post from Roni Loren (thank you for the warning, Roni) I’ve decided to remove most photos. 

Or as it’s known in the States, “the day after Christmas.” It’s the second biggest shopping day of the year, and I’m sure the stores are packed as I type. I’m content to sit on my couch, still stuffed from the massive amounts of food consumed yesterday. And there’s more to come, because my baby turns six today. My parents are visiting, and we’ll be having Christmas with them. Another big dinner, another round of cake. Going to be two sizes bigger by the time it’s over.

I hope you all had a wonderful and safe holiday. Things almost turned into a disaster here. Nine p.m. Christmas Eve, Grace is asleep and Rob and I open the box her dollhouse came in. Kidcraft didn’t send the screws. We can’t put it together. All Grace wanted from Santa was this dollhouse, which I’ve had for three weeks and didn’t think to check the box. Only Kmart is open, and I’ve got twenty minutes until they close. I race through town and find some screws I THINK will be a temporary fix, all the while feeling sick to my stomach. Yes, my child is spoiled. But she’s also a big believer, and I didn’t want to see disappointment on her face Christmas morning.

Thankfully, her daddy can rig anything, and we managed to get the dollhouse in working condition, albeit a delicate one. The roof isn’t on yet, and Santa left Grace a note explaining the situation. Mrs. Claus will be getting the right screws in the mail asap.

Happy child, disaster avoided, two exhausted parents.

Have a safe and happy New Year. I’ll see you next year

A few weeks ago, I was driving Grace about an hour a way to meet my mom so she could stay with them for the weekend. Traffic was slow for several miles because a crappy car with a passenger door that didn’t match was holding up the left lane. You know the drill: the car in the passing lane is going about a mile and a half faster than the one it’s trying to “pass” in the right.

I was two cars behind and had swung out a couple of times to see what the hold up was. Yes, I’m impatient. And I was running late. After about ten minutes the right lane opened up, and I jumped into it. When I got up to the mismatching car responsible for the line of pissed off drivers, I automatically looked to the right. I had to put a face on the person I was internally cursing.

What did I see? A woman pushing eighty with her face pressed against the passenger window, screeching and holding both middle fingers up at me. I was too shocked to do anything but laugh. When I passed and looked back, I could see her in the rearview mirror, banging on the dash and presumably still cursing at me.

After I stopped laughing, my mind immediately conjured up an image of my Grandma Green. She loved her grandkids, and her house was always well-stocked with candy and fudge-stripped cookies. She didn’t like to cook and wasn’t good it. Spaghettios and sandwiches were her specialities. She did cook on Christmas morning, and her sausages ended up the size of silver dollar. I thought that’s how they were supposed to look until I got to college!

Grandma Green was sweet as pie until you made her mad. Then she could cut you down with a single glare. We all equally loved and feared her.

She spent the last ten years of her life bedridden and slowly losing her senses, especially her short term memory. But her long term was there, and I often wondered if she was trapped inside her head, in a different time. I hoped so, because she was miserable stuck in that bed.

Grandma held grudges (I inherited that lovely trait from her) and wasn’t afraid to say what she thought. I like to think if she hadn’t shut down the way she did, Grandma Green very well could have been that feisty old lady flipping me off.

In the spirit of missing my Grandma, I had to share some of my favorite “angry elderly scenes” from YouTube. Please don’t misunderstand: I’m not making fun of older people. I respect them greatly. But getting old is no fun, and I can’t blame for being mad at the world.

Curse Warning!

Quite possibly one of my favorite scenes of all time. I laugh out loud every time I watch it.

Naturally, YouTube had all sorts of angry old ladies to watch.

This lady is me in about forty years. If I had one of those scooters, I’d do exactly the same thing.

This one had tears in my eyes. Had I been filming these two I probably would have dropped the camera.

A loving couple that’s been together most of their lives. More curse words ahead.

This is one of my all-time favorite commercials. The first time I saw it I spilt my drink I was laughing so hard.

Last but not least, this came up in my YouTube search. The lady isn’t really old, but you all know my love of raccoons, and I had to share.

Do you have any stories with elderly relatives to share? Do you have that grandparent or aunt you walk on tiptoes around? Or one that’s so crass and cranky you love being around?

On Writing

Beverly Diehl’s Downloading A New Vocab – a fun post about the ever changing English language and the Urban Dictionary.

Donna Galanti Celebrates Signing with Echelon Press! Her book, A Human Element, drops March 15, 2012. Congratulations, Donna!

Kitty Bucholtz stops by Writers In The Storm and shares her inspiring story in
How I Became  Publisher

Piper Bayard had a great guest post at Writers In The Storm: How Writers Learn What They Need To Know. I loved this because we all have to find what works for us as individuals.

The Bookshelf Muse’s Weather Thesaurus Entry: Vortex. Angela Ackerman shares some great examples of using weather in our writing without being cliche.

Social Media

Jenny Hansen’s 8 Ways To Grow Your Social Media Imprint. Jenny always has great ideas and is willing to help other authors. She’s got some great ones here.

Laura Pauling talks about branding in The Friday 5 – tough questions about “brand.”
This post really made me think about my own brand and has some great responses.

Just Plain Fun

I have to give Jenny Hansen another shout-out. Her post Do I Have A Dirty Mind had tears of laughter rolling down my face.

Natalie Hartford’s made the discovery of the year—the Booze Belly!
No More Sneaking Pints Into The Concert!

The always funny Tawna Fenske had me laughing again with
Are They Perverts, Or Am I?

Tiffany White’s Friday FabOoolous – Friday Night Flicks For Fall reminded me of one of my favorite 90s movies, Varsity Blues. Hello, Paul Walker!

Amber West’s Friday Inspiration Posts always make me smile. Don’t forget to visit #Gowithout while you’re visiting!

K.B. Owen loves to dig back into time and research crime and mysteries. Her post,
Red-Headed or Red-Handed, 19th Century Bank Robberies in Fact and Fiction is a fascinating read.

Catie Rhodes gave me chills with her personal experience at The Devil’s Backbone Tavern. The name itself gives me the creeps!

Deborah Dale posted another edition to her Ghosts of Gettysburg Series. Spooky Stuff!

Julie Glover shares her personal inspirations in Why I Walk For The Cure. A wonderful post for anyone whose life has been touched by cancer.

Ellie Ann Soderstrom brings the laughs with Bible Stories You Won’t Hear At Sunday School.

Lyn Midnight (Violet Nedkova) has a fun Monday Mistletoe post: Memorable Smooching Scenes.

I hope you enjoyed the mash-up and found some new, fun stuff to read. Don’t forget to update your links for Turning The Page and add yourself as a follower here.

Do you have any links to add? Any great posts I might have missed?