So the writing is going okay. No defeat to admit there. Things are moving along with INTO THE DARK (hopefully I will have some news for you in the next week), and after ironing out the plot issues I discovered with THE PROPHET, I wrote about 1500 words of Act 2 this week. Not a lot, but a good start.

The defeat comes with diet and weight. Most of you know I lost 65 pounds on the Ideal Protein diet last year and have been in maintenance phase since May. Keeping the weight off has been a lot harder than losing it. I put on around seven or so during the summer, and then another eight during the holidays. I’ve been trying to lose “the normal way” with exercise, but it doesn’t work for me. After months of fighting it, I’ve finally figured out how to maintain, accepting I can’t eat carbs like other people do, and figuring out what kind of exercise will keep it off. But I can’t lose it. I’ve been stuck with these extra pounds for months.

So on Friday, I finally admitted defeat and went back to my dietician. I felt humiliated I couldn’t keep it off, but she was understanding and gave me a huge boost in getting back on track with the diet. I’ve accepted that for me, going the Ideal Protein way is the best approach. I can moderate it and having someone to check in with every week – a cheerleader of sorts – is a big boost for me. So in the next month, I’ll be following the strict diet, shedding pounds, and getting healthy. I also got a major lecture on pop, so listen up.

Diet pop – whatever the kind – contains aspartame, a sweetener. The body can’t tell the difference and processes it like sugar, meaning the liver produces enzymes that make your body gain weight. Aspartame is now being looked at as carcinogenic, a cancer causing trigger. Remember, we ALL have the cancer cells in our bodies, it’s just a matter of triggering them. Finally, my dietician told me about kidney failure. Did you know that our generation is predicted to deal with renal issues – including renal failure – in their fifties and sixties because we drink so much sodapop? As soon as I heard the words “renal failure,” that was it. That’s something my mom is fighting, and I won’t put myself in that position. Haven’t had a pop since then.

For artificial sweeteners, go for anything with Sucralose in it, like Splenda. There are a lot of choices out there, including flavored water that will give you the carbonated “pop” you’re looking for in a much healthier way.

So my goals for next check-in:
Stick to the diet
Drink 72 oz plus of water/day
Write 2000 words on The Prophet

Who’s with me in getting healthy in March? Anyone else willing to give up pop? Remember, there are healthier alternatives – tea and coffee, in MODERATION, to help with the caffeine headache. How’s your Row80 week going?

I debated about writing this post, but so many of you had such awesome words of support for my brother Jeff that I felt I owed you this update.

He went into the cancer center for scans on Friday. When he’d last seen them in June, they believed the surgery and last round of chemo had gotten the cancer in his throat. The worry was that it would come back somewhere else. He only had a 20% chance it wouldn’t.

Monday he found out the cancer had returned in his throat. He only has a matter of months. His body can’t take any more chemo or radiation. After eighteen months of fighting, an extensive surgery, and an excruciating amount of chemo and radiation, he’s still going to die.

No, it’s not fair. I have to remind myself thousands of families have gone through this same roller coaster of anger and misery. There’s some comfort in knowing we’re not alone.

Jeff is sixteen years older than me, so I never got to know him like I would have liked to. He’s lived in South Carolina since I was a teenager, and I’ve only seen him a handful of times over the past few years. I desperately wish that wasn’t the case.

My heart breaks for the brother and sister closer to him, as well as his father and step-mother. They were by his side nearly the entire time, and I can’t imagine how they must be feeling right now.

Send your prayers their way, please. Most of all, send them to my mother. This will be the second son she’s buried, and I’m incredibly worried about her. She’s diabetic with heart issues. Losing her will be the hardest of all for me, and I’m terrified of the thought. I pray she’ll somehow have the strength to get through this.

Jeff got throat cancer from excessive smoking and drinking. He went in with a sore throat and wound up diagnosed with stage four throat cancer. I’m not sure it would have helped him, but early detection is the key. Those over 50 are at highest risk, and men have the highest risk.

Please, if you or someone you know has the following symptoms, get checked out:

* Abnormal (high-pitched) breathing sounds
* Cough
* Coughing up blood
* Difficulty swallowing
* Hoarseness that doesn’t improve in 1-2 weeks
* Neck pain
* Sore throat that doesn’t improve in 1-2 weeks, even with antibiotics
* Swelling or lumps in the neck
* Unintentional weight loss

Click here for more information about throat cancer.

Thank you all for your support and kind words. They’ve meant more than I can express.

On the Row80 front, I’ve been muddling along. The first three chapters of INTO THE DARK are thisclose to being query ready. I did some work on additional chapters yesterday as well as began researching small presses. If you know of a small or mid-sized press accepting unagented authors, please share in the comments:)

I’m undecided on Thriller Thursday for this week. I have a lot to catch up on today, and my heart isn’t quite into it right now. I may take the week off, but I’ll be back next week.

I hope you’re all having a great week. To those of you participating in NaNo, good luck.

Happy Monday! Many of you know I just got back from a trip visiting family in Indianapolis, but must don’t know the reason for the trip. My brother (age 50) has been battling stage 4 throat cancer for nearly eighteen months.

He initially went through chemo, then radiation until the growth had shrunk enough for the doctors to operate. Last spring, he underwent a 19-hour plus surgery to remove the cancer in his throat. His neck was essentially split open, he lost half his tongue and his esophagus has been destroyed from radiation. He has a trach right now and a feeding tube—he’ll never be able to eat or drink food again. He goes for a follow-up on Friday, but doctors believe they got the cancer in his throat. However, there’s only a 20% chance it won’t come back somewhere in the next year. If it does, doctors have done all they can. His body can’t take any more chemo or radiation.

I hadn’t seen him in several years. I knew he’d lost nearly 100 pounds, but he was so thin and frail it was shocking. The left side of his face is hardened to the point it doesn’t move, and he’s got to talk through his teeth.

And yet, he’s in good spirits. He knows his chances aren’t good, but he talks of going back to work and plans for the future. He’s a chef, so his inability to eat again is especially awful. I know if it were me, I’d be wallowing in self-pity and shutting myself in the house to die.

But Jeff continues to push through. Throughout this miserable year and a half, he’s remained positive. As I sat with him on Friday, I thought about all the things in my life I’ve allowed to upset me, the little things I’ve let ruin my day, the fights I’ve gotten into with my hubby over dumb crap. How stupid they all were. I say it a lot, but this time I really mean it: life’s too short to sweat the small stuff.

Sometimes things happen between people and family that can’t be repaired, and sometimes it’s best to leave that part of our life behind. But time is precious, and we need to cherish every moment we have with family and friends. Embrace life because before you know it, your time with that person could be up and you’ll have nothing but wasted years to remember.

I hope you all have a wonderful week and the next time you find yourself upset and wanting to give up on yourself or someone else, remember this story. Life’s too short to waste time being angry or hiding behind our fears. Embrace them and move forward.

Thanks to all of you for your support and friendship. Have a great day!