Comments on: Manic Monday Welcomes Jodie Renner https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067 Twisted Minds and Dark Places Sun, 20 Oct 2013 15:53:52 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 By: mardi62013 https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4558 Sun, 20 Oct 2013 15:53:52 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4558 Jodie I am a new novelist and just published my first novel The Legacy. Wow I have enjoyed reading the blogs.I just want to learn, I will look out with intrest to others that can help me with writing my sequel.Thanks Mardi

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By: Jodie Renner https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4557 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 20:20:35 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4557 In reply to colonialist.

Thanks, Colonialist. May I suggest for the first one, a combination of your two: “He glanced back down the street,” as the “back” assumes they came that way, and is more concise than your second one. Thanks for dropping by and commenting! There’s certainly no “correct” answer to any of these, but actions scenes demand brevity and to-the-point phrasing.

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By: colonialist https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4556 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 18:45:48 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4556 I am predisposed towards pooh-poohing articles on pruning words, but can’t fault this one. The amended versions say all they need to.
However, for your exercise I have given the briefest version, plus one that assumes all the information is relevant.
He glanced back.
He flashed a look down the narrow street from which they had emerged.
He dashed back towards the elevator.
Assuming the rising Chris would follow, Nathan raced back towards the elevator, speed overriding silence.

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By: jodierennerediting https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4555 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 13:45:01 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4555 In reply to Kassandra Lamb.

Kassandra, for jumping in with your solutions, I’ll send you a free PDF of my latest e-book, Style that Sizzles & Pacing for Power. You can claim your prize by emailing me at j.renner.editing@hotmail.com.

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By: jodierennerediting https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4554 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 13:43:38 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4554 In reply to willmcm.

Love your solutions, Will! If you contact me at j.renner.editing@hotmail.com, I’ll send you a free PDF of my latest e-book, Style that Sizzles & Pacing for Power.

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By: willmcm https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4553 Wed, 03 Oct 2012 07:14:41 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4553 Really helpful blog. I’ll be revising my action scenes again after this.

My attempt:
He looked quickly down the narrow street in the direction they had come.
—He glanced back down the street.

As soon as Chris started to rise, Nathan saw it as an indication he was going to follow, and started off back in the direction of the elevator, this time worrying less about his silence and more about haste.
—Chris stood as if to follow, so Nathan set off towards the elevator. Speed was more important than silence.

—Will’m

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By: jodierennerediting https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4552 Tue, 02 Oct 2012 20:11:15 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4552 In reply to Lauren I. Ruiz.

Thanks, Lauren!

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By: Lauren I. Ruiz https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4551 Tue, 02 Oct 2012 18:55:22 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4551 Impressive work, Jodie!

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By: jodierennerediting https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4550 Mon, 01 Oct 2012 19:12:15 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4550 In reply to Andrew E. Kaufman.

Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment, Andrew. Yes, those insignificant details not only slow down the pace, but they can be like little bumps in the road for the readers, jolting them out of the story momentarily.
I think it’s important to show the POV character’s reactions, however fleeting, as in a flash of pain or other visceral reaction, or a quick decision to change course in some way, as, unlike a movie, in a novel we’re in somebody’s head, usually the protagonist’s, and feeling their reactions brings them to life for us and makes us more emotionally engaged in their plight, rooting all the harder for them.

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By: Andrew E. Kaufman https://stacygreenauthor.com/archives/2067#comment-4549 Mon, 01 Oct 2012 17:55:17 +0000 https://stacygreenauthor.com/?p=2067#comment-4549 Great post, Jodie, with very helpful advice. For me, it’s important to write the action as I would experience it, almost like a movie in my head. Things move quickly. If there’s an internal response, it’s usually fleeting because there’s not much time to notice. During one of the many passes I do through the MS, I actually spend time seeking out insignificant details that slow down my pace. For me, this is an important part of my process.

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